Doing some thinking...

I’ve been doing quite a lot of thinking about my life and myself lately…
And eventhough I most of the time see it like a total mess… I’m sure that I deserve the best…and the best has maybe come may way or not…I don’t know, time will tell…

I know who I am, I know what I’m worth…and I know that the losers are the one who can’t see me the way I am…those who treat me like shit, like someone inferior…those who rechased me…

Some of them would kill for a chance to come back with me…but there time has passed…they had their chance and they let it go away… too bad isn’t?...well yeah… But I have moved on…

And I continue to move on…

I’m not afraid of failures…of falling down because I know I’ll get up again, stronger…

I’m not afraid of doing mistakes…because each story is different even if I keep on being the same …. I try to learn from them…

I’m not afraid of falling in love…Even if the person is not exactly like me…Even if we don’t have the same believes, nor the same past, nor the same incomes, nor the same origins… What matters is the person, the feelings, the connections….

I believe in destiny…Whatever has to happen, will happen…whether I like it or not…whether I expect it or not…and exactely the same thing for everyone…

We have no idea about what the future has for us…

We can only talk about our lives now, about what we’d like and what we wouldn’t like…

About what we should do, what we dream about doing… but that may never happen…

Sometimes we’re wrong…we think that somethings are good for us and we wish for them, but they’re not…we wonder why it didn’t happen…and we understand that after sometime that it’s so much better that it actually didn’t…

I think that sometimes we don’t let the right persons enter our lives, we don’t accept help advice from the person that only care about us…

I have wished (and I actually keep on wishing) so many times that comes the day in which all the guys that have passed into my life realize what they have missed the way they dumped me…saying such standard things as

“We have to talk… it’s not you, it’s me…you are really a wonderful women…but my life is all about my job and having fun with my friends…three months dating is very long time…it scares me”…and then one month later he’s dating a friend of his for almost one year…and he dumped her before his holidays…what can I say to this?? A bastard, is a bastard!! TOO SELFISH!! I was too kind, too understanding, independent, made more than him and I kinda liked him a lot…

“Hey…I think we should stop seeing eachother…you’re really special…But …”… Stupid!!

“I knew from the beginning that this will never work out…I’m crazy in love with you…I dreamt of me waking up and having you by side…I’d give it all to you…but it’s better if we end this so you can do your life with someone else”… Realistic? Jealous? Masochist? Right?...

“I’m sorry but my first love is coming to visit me and I don’t know what can happen… but you’re really a great girl”… TOO young and lost!!

“I’m sorry…I love you…but I cannot stand the long distance relationship…” what? The truth is that he young, obessed by his ex, mentally disturbed, alcoholic and totally lost…and scared!!

…and I’ll stop here my list…

Scared? Aren’t they all…

Sorry…They are all sorry…

Too good?...Yeah that’s what I am…Too good…Too nice…definitely too dumb to think that these relationships were worth the try…I just let myself go, feel the moment…I just let myself be me…If we start thinking with our head…I think we’ll be over 6 billions single persons…we always want much more than we can get…we always want what we actually can’t get…we always think that the good things or persons can wait till we’re ready….that the clock keep on running, and the earth keep on moving every single second…

I’ve often come to wonder this : Shall I be a slut to find a man who understands me and wants to be with me, a man who really cares…a man that’s there without me having to ask for it??...

It’s very easy to be a slut…harder to be a real good person…Is it really worth the game and the try?...it’s easy to take them and treat them like tissues, use them and throw them just like men do with women… it could be very easy to beat them at their own game, give them a bit of their own medicine (or poison)…

But do they really feel great about themselves after that…do they wake up one morning and think about all the persons they have hurt…what do they see in the mirror?...

And if I were a slut…a dirty unscrupulous bitch like the others…discrete or transparent…I would be just like the others…I’d lose all that makes me special, different, exquisite and divine…

Do you think that too much qualification for me??...No, trust me or try me!!